The Br!t!$h Isles?! Or, how to upset and annoy (some) Irish people without really trying

What’s in a name? Quite a lot and far more than we might suppose. A veritable frenzy arose from a fairly routine shout out from performers at a music gig in Dublin last night.

Pop group The Scissors Sisters‘ banter with the crowd hit a rocky note when lead singer Ana (Lynch) Matronic welcomed people from all over the ‘British Isles‘ to the concert. Cue a chorus of boos.

Today, a report of the incident, and responses to it on Twitter, on The Journal.ie website sparked a long stream of comments. Over 800 people read, wrote or rated contributions on whether Ireland is or isn’t, was or wasn’t, part of the British Isles. Obviously a sensitive subject and of interest to many people.

History, or at least what people believe to be history, was deployed in the arguments – closely bound up with politics past and present. Tempers frayed in some cases, passions rose in others while a few cool heads maintained an even keel.

That an off the cuff and innocuous remark by a singer on tour, who herself is of Irish extraction and bears a Celtic Cross tattoo in recognition of her heritage, should provoke such an instant and energetic response is interesting in itself. The number and variety of comments online, even more so.

Despite the many posts emphasising Ireland’s very definite separate identity from Britain, the volume and vociferousness of the reaction suggests not conviction but insecurity. A slip of the tongue by a busy singer in the middle of the constantly moving ‘bubblesphere’ of a world tour should be readily seen and easily understood for it was – an unfortunate turn of phrase by someone who has rather a lot on her mind trying to entertain 10,000 people in whatever city it is today. It might rankle a bit that we got mixed up with our neighbours but these things happen.

Instead, a storm of protest about Ana Matronic‘s intelligence, cluelessness and general all-round unfitness to be a celebrity. I look forward to X Factor, America’s Got Talent, The Voice and maybe even Jersey Shore and the tabloids adding a general knowledge test before anointing the Next Big Thing to grace our screens.

Until then maybe we could just not get so het up over an understandable and very minor mistake.

If it was a mistake, and the jury’s still out on how ‘legitimate’ the term British Isles is as a geographic term. Whether we as citizens of the Republic of Ireland like it or not, it is a long-standing and well known term. All of the islands in the region have a British presence and/or involvement,at least politically, by right or default, and again whether we and our Manx and Channel Islander neighbours like it or not. These things can be changed but it takes time – which is still more familiar to many of us, Bombay or Mumbai? East Timor or Timor Leste?

Blame history for that, not Ana Matronic. Better still leave aside blame altogether – let history and common sense shed some light on why things are the way they are. That won’t be possible by depending only on history taught in primary school, or secondary; or by reading one book, or even a handful of books. The more research done, the more books read, the more confused, complicated and uncertain will things be.
Britain turns out to have been named after the oldest Celtic-speaking inhabitants of the island – the Britons: their closest descendants are probably the Welsh and Cornish. And also closely related linguistically and culturally, the Bretons in Brittany – or little Britain, which might get confusing with other (bit of) Britain to the north, so that for clarity and because it was larger and more populated became great(er) Britain. The Romans were the people responsible for this attempt at making things crystal clear.

By this original meaning, British technically might not include English people, many of whose ancestors were (or at least are seen and widely believed to be) Anglo-Saxon. But ironically it could be expanded with accuracy to include the majority of Irish, Scots and Manx, who linguistically and culturally share a close connection with the Welsh, Cornish and Bretons.

Then again, ‘Britain’ as a modern geographic or political idea meant very little once the Romans had left, at least until much later. When King James VI of Scotland also became King of England in 1603, enthusiasm moved him to call himself King of Britain and design a new flag to mark the occasion. Both ideas were roundly disliked and swiftly ignored by English and Scots, who found sharing a king was quite enough, thank you very much.

Oddly though, it is in Ireland that ‘British’ pops up as a descriptive term next. A separate lordship (from 1171) and then kingdom (from 1541), the island was dominated, if not completely controlled, from London – where policies were decided and key decisions made. Not always with great success – by the late 1500s religious divisions had been added to ethnic, linguistic, cultural and economic differences to make government and administration difficult and constantly demanding of time, money and attention in London.
Settling new English and Scottish colonists (those present already, the Old English were almost as problematic as the Gaelic Irish when seen from London) might be a way to make the island more manageable – and from 1607 a policy of plantation brought thousands of people from England and Scotland to assume ownership of confiscated lands. Often isolated, and frequently a small minority the newcomers came to think of themselves as part of the same enterprise and identify with each other as broadly ‘British’. So, irony of ironies, ‘British’ as an accepted label gains currency in Ireland in the 1630s and 1640s.

Britain as a state and political entity though is an even later creation – only dating from 1707 and the Union of Scotland and England to create Britain. This was the first time the entire island had been ever united – and the name for the new country was a problem, especially in French. An old problem returned: the French department of Brittany in French was called Bretagne.  The island of Britain and thus the new state was also known as Bretagne. What to do? Grand Bretagne, Great Britain, solved the problem. With the France of Louis XIV being the dominant cultural and political superpower of Europe the solution, Great Britain became the recognised and accepted term. Ireland being ruled from London, though not formally and legally yet a part of the Union, came to be included within the reference as an easy shorthand that acknowledged reality. Reality joined with technicality in 1801 when Ireland was united with Great Britain to form the United Kingdom; few people outside Ireland knew or cared about the alteration. Britain remained the term most often used, the most familiar and the handiest – as it does today.

No separate name to describe someone from the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland ever came into use. Ireland had little or no influence or impact upon the structure of the Union initially, and the change in status was little known and seldom mentioned in the wider world. Britain, British and British Isles came to be the easiest way to describe everyone within the United Kingdom in collective terms. And the easiest way for a European to pick out a British subject? Someone speaking English.

By 1922 such habits were hard to break, despite independence for the Irish Free State. Not surprisingly in the midst of rebuilding lives and countries after the horror of World War I while simultaneously trying to survive the Great Depression, many people failed to register events in Ireland in great detail. Ireland’s place and importance in the wider world since then and in global consciousness today tends to wildly overstated and overestimated by many Irish people. Perhaps at heart we recognise this, and this accounts for the knee-jerk reaction to any confusion, mix-up or misunderstanding, no matter how accidental or unintended. Or maybe a people of whom 99.9% speak English, very many watch English TV, read English newspapers and magazines, shop in English stores, and even support English football teams might have deeper fears about their identity……………

How to read?

I have to confess straight off that I thought I’d nailed this particular skill about thirty years ago or so. Apparently not. I have been under a misapprehension and didn’t even know she was there.
‘How to Read Books’ books keep appearing. In itself that seems a bit of a mid bending paradox – if you can’t read, how and indeed why would you buy such a book?

OK, I’m being facetious and deliberately missing the point for effect. Still, there is something here that’s troubling. Reading is simple. At least for those of us who have been fortunate and privileged enough to have been taught how to do it.

See book you think you enjoy. Read. Reflect. Natter about what you thought online or maybe, for a walk on the wild side, even in the real world. Buy or borrow another book. Repeat till death us do part.

What could be simpler? Well, really. Now. It can’t be that simple, can it? Why would we need legions of critics and scholars who specialise in ‘deep’, ‘cross’ (some of them very cross), and ‘against the grain’ reading?

Well, maybe it can be that simple. Nick Hornby takes a well aimed pot shot at ‘cultural snobbery’ of all descriptions in his latest book. Spot on and very entertaining it is too. There’s a good extract over on the every excellent Brainpickings website:

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/08/15/nick-hornby-more-baths-less-talking/

Well worth a read!

Oh dear sweet lord make it go away……

Movie on RTE 2 right now that can only be the work of a lobotomised goldfish directing rejected shop mannequins operating with a script produced by the accidental spillage of alphabet soup.

Mesmerised like a rabbit in the headlights by its sheer, unadulterated, awfulness in every single frame.

Truly lives up to its billing as a disaster movie……

If Irish counties were countries….

Carlow = Poland

Often threatened with being obliterated by neighbours – especially to the west. A scenic land of rivers with a long and glorious history. Seldom wins anything, never gives up. Shared love of potatoes.

Cavan = Switzerland

Home of secure money. Details of finances are almost impossible to come by in either region. Deep valleys and gorges, mountains in Switzerland, potholes in Cavan. Cheese a staple of both economies.

Clare = Wales

Music and singing are mainstays of life. Sheep are cherished – often for hours at a time.

Cork = France

Truly believes it, rather than Dublin, is the centre of civilisation; as such has a mission to raise the rest of the country to its own level. Sing song accent. Huge emphasis upon and reputation for high quality food and drink. Birthplace of the Irish Napoleon, Michael Collins.

Donegal = Russia

Impenetrable accent – often more Scottish than Irish. A county cut off by terrain and mentality from the rest of the country, north and south. The ‘rule of law’ is seen more as a generalised list of suggestions, interpretable at will. Civil servants and officials who transgress or displease are sent to this Irish gulag. Drink, religion and weather lead to fatalism and a dark soul.

Dublin = United States of America

Dominates all aspects of Irish life cultural, political and social. Widely resented, the county that others love to hate, a mixture of envy and jealousy based on the belief that Dubliners think the world, or at least Ireland, revolves around them. Mostly because it does. Yet, many Dubliners are recent immigrants and retain connections with their counties of origin.

Kerry = Brazil

Exuberant, exotic and volatile. And that’s just the women. Wild natives, some as yet largely uninfluenced by civilisation. Renowned for its scenery, mountains, beaches, lakes and rivers. Unsurpassed in football skills and loquaciousness.

Kilkenny = Germany

Shares black, amber and red colours. Quietly industrious and prosperous. Consistently efficient and clinically effective….at hurling at least. Produces prodigious quantities of beer. Unsure of its orientation – does its interests and affinities lie east in Leinster or west in Munster? Accent much mocked.

Leitrim = Bhutan

Here be dragons?

Limerick = Mexico

Both are troubled by high levels of urban gang activity. Wrestling/rugby are strangely popular and followed with religious devotion. Odd musical traditions – mariachi and the Rubberbandits.

Offaly = Mongolia

Both consist almost exclusively of vast swathes of uninhabitable desert. Natives are renowned for their deep attachment to their animals – horses in Mongolia, sheep in Offaly. Nomanslands between north and south, east and west.

Westmeath = Canada

A land of lakes and prairies. Often mistaken for their larger and more famous neighbour next door. Syrup is important in both cultures, economically in Canada, the exact use in Westmeath has not yet been established.

Wicklow = Ukraine

Deep divide between east and west of the county. Dominated by proximity to Dublin, to which some areas by dint of accent and culture appear to belong. Nicknamed the ‘Garden County’ because of its fertile land; possibly also a measure of the inhabitants IQ or resemblance to vegetables.

Usain Or Usama?

Serendipitously came across a passage today in a book by Scott Atran – Talking to the enemy: violent extremism, sacred values and what it means to be human (London, 2011).

Atran is an anthropologist and his book explores why people are attracted to violence, focusing in particular on terrorism and suicide bombers. An expert on Asia and the Middle East, instead of pontificating from behind a desk Atran risked life and limb to travel to Indonesia, Kashmir and Morocco on field research trips to enquire on the ground in villages and towns why people – especially young people – get involved in violent extremist groups.

In one town in Morocco, Tetuan – right next door to the Spanish owned enclave of Ceuta – he met a group of teenagers. The Mezuak neighbourhood of Tetuan is poor; small time drugs smuggling is commonplace. Five of the Madrid bombers of 2004 came from this area. Yet it appeared not be a place suffused with extremist religious belief nor especially hostile to the west or westerners.

When Atran quizzed the youngsters on what they wanted, they answered by saying they wanted to go to Spain. To the promised land of bicycles and bright futures.

When he asked who they wanted to be one said Ronaldinho of Barcelona FC….or Osama Bin Laden.

A footballer or a mastermind of mass murder.

A stark choice and a powerful demonstration of how delicately balanced dramatic and decisive choices in life can be.

Much depends on what is the strongest, most pervasive and most persuasive influence on show.

Hopefully this week at least and for some time to come the phenomenon that is Usain Bolt, broadcast in all his glory and showmanship on every TV across the planet, eclipses darker stars.

Those who decry the Olympics as an empty anodyne spectacle with little real or long-term impact would do well to recognise and remember that heroes come in many shapes and forms: much better that the role model being emulated blows past his rivals rather than blowing them up.

 

 

Races and racism

Two words close together and yet miles apart. Races and racism.

The last two weeks in London at the Olympics have shown people of all sizes, shapes, and shades competing in races on land and sea, in rings and on rings, in victory and defeat. For the most part in good spirit. At times inspiringly so.

The heroes of the fortnight have been those who have won; but also those who have shown character in adversity and resilience in defeat. Those who made it to the Games at all against long odds; those who have a story to tell that inspire as much as the gleam of any gold medal. Perhaps more so because ordinary mortals can share in the achievement.

Stress and tension on faces; relief and joy; sorrow and regret; laughter and tears.

And it mattered not at all what features underlay those emotions, or what skin colour.

Just the inherent intrinsic humanity on display.

We need a new god and here’s a candidate

If we’re creating another god any time soon, s/he/it should be modelled on Aaron Sorkin.

Why? Let me try and convince you…….

His worlds, be it The West Wing or now The Newsroom, reflect what a sane rational reality should be. And maybe could be….if he were a deity. Genesis ReBoot would be something like this:

First up it would have great dialogue. Snappy, fast, anarchic and a little confusing.

Second, frequently or at least every so often people would do the right thing at the right time for the right reasons – come hell or high water.

Thirdly, his mortal coil is burdened by both far fewer morons and far far fewer moron worshippers.

Let’s get in the god creation groove.

The sooner reality imitates art the better….